James Middleton, her brother Kate reveals the personal trials he’s faced with his mental health in his new book, “Meet Ella: The Dog That Saved My Life,” out September 24. In his book, 37-year-old James opens up about his struggles and reveals his dark thoughts and judgments over the years.
In an extract from the book published by the Daily Mail on Friday, James shares the terrifying thoughts he had about suicide. “Life is no longer worth it. I feel suicidal. I think of ways to die to escape the unstable course that leads me to the brink of madness”he writes.
James points out that, despite the privileges afforded to him by family of his family, including his parents Carole and Michael Middleton, his sisters Kate and Pippa, and his brothers-in-law Prince William and James Matthews, his inner struggle trumps everything. “But I turn them all away. I don’t answer their phone calls. Emails go unanswered. Invitations to visit are ignored. Hiding behind a double-locked door, unconcerned”, states.
James remembers one night in particular in November 2017 when he was at the lowest ebb of his life and he thought of killing himself by jumping off the roof of a building in London. “Dark thoughts overwhelm me. What can I do to stop them? I’m thinking about jumping off the roof. Who will find me? A passing taxi driver? A neighbor?’he mentions in his book, and vividly describes the thoughts he had.
James reports that he even thought about whether his act could be considered a tragic accident so that his family would not suffer further from the knowledge of his suicide. “I wonder if, if I jump, it could be interpreted as a tragic accident? In this way, my family, while grieving desperately, will be spared the additional suffering of knowing that I ended my life by suicide.”.
However, he found the inspiration from her dog his, Ella, prevented him from committing suicide. James explains: “I imagine myself without her, and this chain of thoughts makes me hesitate. What would Ella do without me? She depends on me and I on her. The feeling is completely mutual.”.
James refers to Ella fondly and says this “Ella is the reason why I didn’t take the fatal leap. It’s Ella, the dog that saved my life”.
He remembers how Ella came into his life as a small, blind puppy and became his companion, hope and support in his darkest days. “I have loved Ella with every ounce of my being since she was a small, blind puppy. She was my companion, my hope, my support in my darkest days. He gave me unconditional love and faith”he adds.
Sadly, Ella passed away in January 2023. James shared the news via Instagram, writing: “It is with great sadness that I announce that my beloved Ella has passed away. For 15 years, Ella has been by my side, from my darkest days to my happiest. I’m going to miss him terribly”.